one year later

Ok, so one year and a day later...
Austin was diagnosed on January 25, 2008.
That day changed our lives forever... I wish more than anything that I would have been blogging at that time... I’d love to be able to go back and read some of those thoughts, and emotions that we were experiencing at that time... It was a horrible time for us... Completely devastating... Our son’s life changed in the blink of an eye...

I look back now, and sometimes I wonder how Mike and I made it through that... I shut down... I was a wreck... I remember just crying and crying for days on end... I was so upset... how could this happen... why me... more than that... why my child... what did I do in the past that was so horrible that my child had to deal with this...

And then slowly I started to realize that Austin was still .... Austin.... he was still my little boy... he was still the one that I loved so entirely... and he was still happy... sure ... his 23 month old self had no clue that he was different... he was too little to understand that...

The reality of SMA still hits hard sometimes... and I still tear up when I think of some of the things that he’ll never be able to do... and when I have to deal with people who just don’t get it... or with people who think they get how I’m feeling... but they don’t... how could they...

Overall, we’ve come a long way... and we are all three very happy... Its still hard... but honestly our life didn’t change... how could it... we were already dealing with the SMA before the diagnosis... it just didn’t have a name... Austin is actually stronger now than he was when we got the diagnosis... and he can do things that I never thought I’d see him doing... I am so proud of him and I can’t wait to see what his future holds...

He told me a few days ago that he was going to be “A rockstar” ... and I believe him... The child has a love for music like I’ve never seen in a baby... he’s happiest listening to the radio (or Pandora... or youtube... lol) singing along... Santa brought him a guitar for Christmas... and he loves playing music and singing songs...

Its hard for me to believe that it was just a year ago that we were getting this news that we thought had ended our life... If anyone told me then that our life would be like this now, I’d never have believed them... I would have never imagined that Austin would be in preschool... doing things that every other kid his age does...

I want to thank all of you for standing by us... praying with us... and helping us find our way to this life that we have now... I truly do live in paradise... and I really do love my life...

I wish I could find Missy’s email... or phone number... or something... she helped me so much... she was the second contact I made in the SMA world... and she chatted with me through email and IM for hours while I sobbed and cried about it... and I then she helped me realize that nothing changed... we just had a name for the reason that Austin fell so often... And she helped me meet other great families... through that I found the hope I needed ...

A month later Austin started the VPA treatment... and we haven’t looked back... I can’t tell you how excited I am about the promise of Stem Cell treatment... I believe with my whole heart that there is a cure... and that they are close to finding it...

If you have time please visit http://www.fsma.org/ donate if you are able to... or at least spread the world about SMA... so that Austin and children like him can get the cure that they need.